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Czech oligarch PM is making fun of EU's OLAF investigators

The new Czech prime minister, former Slovak communist snitch and current Czech oligarch Mr Andrej Babiš, is performing his first foreign trip as a prime minister which – in agreement with the traditions – goes to the capital of our Slovak brothers, Bratislava, where this particular Czech PM was born.

The Slovak PM Fico told Babiš "Welcome home". Too bad, Fico hasn't found a stable mansion in Slovakia for Babiš yet so Czechia won't repay the loan (of Babiš) in a foreseeable future.

Meanwhile, in his second, Czech homeland, he's being discussed especially in connection with the European Union's report on his Stork Nest subsidy fraud.

Recall that he has built the central Bohemian personal mansion and conference center (where a glass of mineral water costs $70 during events), the Stork Nest, out of ruins of a farm for $20 million or so. To make the numbers add up, he fraudulently acquired a $2 million subsidy from the EU, pretending to be a "small or medium business working in the travel industry". For a few years, he formally gave the stocks of the Stork Nest to an "anonymous owner" (who pretended to be the manager of a small business in the travel industry) and after a few years when the conditions were monitored, he transferred the stocks from the anonymous Babiš to the onymous Babiš again.

The Czech police has completed its investigation and concluded it's absolutely obvious that he has committed the subsidy fraud. The conclusion couldn't have been discussed in courts yet. Before the October 2017 elections, the Parliament agreed to strip Babiš of his immunity. Sadly, thanks to his party's gain of 30% of votes, he regained the immunity after the elections so the immunity vote will have to be repeated in a few weeks and you can never be sure how many lawmakers will be bought or blackmailed during the new vote.

There doesn't exist any plausible alternative theory – and there's even no proposed alternative implausible theory – what could have happened that would imply that it wasn't a subsidy fraud. Babiš's brain-dead voters (about 1.5 million Czechs) largely pretend not to understand and if some of them do understand, they don't care and they say that everyone is a thief so why Babiš shouldn't just take $2 million that were lying on the street? He has successfully fooled the bureaucrats to give a stamp on his subsidy application so everything is fine, isn't it?

Well, the answer is: It isn't fine because the false information about the actual owner on the application is a subsidy fraud that is punished, according to the laws, by 10 years in prison which is exactly what should await Mr Babiš if the rule of law still holds in Czechia.

Meanwhile, in early 2016, the European Anti-Fraud Office (OLAF, an acronym loosely derived from the French name), began its investigation of that particular $2 million subsidy. The investigation was completed a week ago. The report is being treated as a state secret, as classified information. No one is apparently allowed to learn that our prime minister is a pathetic thief and liar.

Lots of professional investigators and experts work for OLAF – just as if OLAF were some European police – but ironically enough, that bureau has no real direct power. Instead, it produces "recommendations" for the managers of the EU subsidies as well as investigators in the nation states. OK, what did they conclude in their reports – which has some hundreds of pages – about the Stork Nest?

The very fact that the report wasn't immediately published by the Czech government – now more or less directly supervised by Babiš – made it rather clear that the report wasn't good news for Babiš. But what's exactly written inside? Is it just an English version of the report by the Czech police? Because – in spite of the secrecy – we were told about the list of recipients and some "recommendations", it was clear that the results were unlikely to have been "things were OK". But almost no Czech politician or investigator has been able to see the actual report. For example, the Czech members of the European Parliament (who aren't controlled by Babiš [yet?]) have asked OLAF for a copy – because it's important for their work – but OLAF responded that they (MEPs in general) were just irrelevant pieces of šit, not even real lawmakers, so they couldn't see anything (just like they can't propose any laws because democracy in the EU is an absolute joke).

But finally, members of the immunity committee of the Czech Parliament were able to see the report (but they couldn't make a copy or bring it home). And the leaders of the main (now) opposition parties in the Parliament have agreed that the OLAF report is an English version of the Czech police report. It says that a subsidy fraud has been committed, the Stork Nest should be removed from the subsidized public funding, and the case should be investigated by the Czech authorities.

On top of that, OLAF has carefully analyzed an alternative theory – that Babiš has applied for the subsidy in "good will" – and it has apparently disproved the alternative theory. So, ladies and gentlemen in Czechia, your new prime minister is a thief that should, according to 2 Czech laws that are specifically mentioned in the OLAF report, spend 10 years in the prison. Well, a decisive fraction of the Czech people doesn't give a damn. For 1.5 million of them, this thief is a beloved one, a new Juraj Jánošík (a famous Slovak outlaw who was "stealing from the rich" and "giving to the poor" – well, Babiš is stealing both from the rich and poor and giving everything to himself but his brain-dead voters just don't care about this tiny difference). Babiš is their true hero because his appearance and speech make it clear that he is a moron (and was a spineless opportunist collaborator with the communist regime), just like his voters, so they root for the man who is one of them.

Babiš's new government (which doesn't enjoy the confidence of the Parliament and won't get one anytime soon) has obfuscated the very existence of the report for some time. But he has added numerous juicy comments on top of that – comments that make you wonder what he and his supporters smoke.

Six ways to dismiss a report that look like punchlines from a comedy

First, he said that the report surely contains nothing that would be related to him because the OLAF investigators haven't stopped at the Stork Nest for a drink yet! This sentence was pronounced seriously. How could they have investigated him if they haven't drunk a few glasses with him at all? Second, Babiš has filed a complaint with some European court against OLAF for that report (although he hasn't read it and although he's sure that the report has nothing to do with him). Just imagine the chutzpah: When a cop catches a thief red-handed, the thief should scream that he is not himself and he should simply sue the cop! ;-)

Third, he told us that "OLAF is no God" and "just because OLAF writes something doesn't mean it's true". References to God remind us of the old joke: Do you know what is the difference between God and Babiš? God doesn't think that He's Babiš. Fourth, the Lidovky daily owned by Babiš (now: indirectly through a trust) has published straight lies about the content of the report, claiming that it doesn't say anything about fraud (those lawmakers that have seen the report agree that the report does explicitly talk about fraud and the identification of the Czech paragraphs – 212 and 260 – that Babiš has violated).

Fifth, the other major newspapers owned by Babiš's trust, MF DNES, defended the plan to keep the OLAF report in secret because "if the report were published, the so far unknown perpetrator could be able to read it". Imagine that! Whoever wrote it must have had the goal of making fun of everyone. This is black humor beyond any imagination. The actual owner of the Stork Nest is Babiš and it has always been the case. But even if the perpetrator were anyone else, he still knows what he did – when he reads that others have found out as well, it changes nothing whatsoever about his knowledge. He knows everything about the events – he has created those events.

Sixth, Babiš added another comment that sounds as a joke: "Just because OLAF wants the project to be 'removed' from the list of subsidized projects doesn't mean that any money will be returned." Oh, really? Wow. He doesn't even want to return the stolen $2 million. It's like the joke about the man who loved a $2 million villa but didn't like the price. So he made a compromise: he would take the villa but wouldn't pay the money.


The situation is crystal clear. Everyone who has some brain and especially everyone who has looked at the case agrees that it was a textbook example of a subsidy fraud. The EU investigators agree, too. The perpetrator should be jailed for 10 years. Almost everyone in the Czech Parliament agrees that there's no reason why the lawmakers' immunity should protect politicians against such serious yet purely economic criminal charges. For some reason, this apparently hopeless situation poses no problem for Babiš at all and he – the new most powerful man in Czechia – continues to act as if he were a beloved warrior against the economic crime.

I am usually shocked by the arrogance of the European Union – how much it ignores the sovereignty of the EU members states and similar things. But in this case, I am totally shocked by the impotence of the EU. After all, it was their money that was stolen. They don't even make it too clear that they want the money to be returned. Well, it's really because they don't care – after all, it's the money of the EU member countries' citizens, and the EU doesn't give a damn about these citizens.

At any rate, the EU has defined some rules about who was eligible for the subsidy and the rules were blatantly violated. So I would expect e.g. German taxpayers who have paid a big fraction of the money to demand the return of the funds and some cleaning in the lands of the Tschechische and Slowakische Simulantenbanden so that things like that won't happen again. But the German taxpayers don't care, either. (The Süddeutsche Zeitung wrote a detached story about the political-criminal thriller in Prague.) They don't care about theft. They already live in a brave new world where the Islamization of the continent is way more important (and desirable for them!) than the rule of law and than their "own" money.

Maybe the EU finds it helpful for the Czech prime minister to be a demonstrable criminal – because they may blackmail him and use this extra tool to pump thousands of illegal immigrants into Czechia, among other things. Maybe they really love Babiš because his naive, straightforward way of stealing reminds them of the Muslim immigrants and they're the best citizens of the future European Union that they can think of! Meanwhile, Europeans who have some values from the old school are left vomiting.

A curiosity: the Czech calendar contains the namedays I was recently explaining. When Babiš was getting married with his partner Monika (at the Stork Nest) this summer, it was Olaf's nameday. It couldn't have been a coincidence. Maybe it means that Olaf was invited to the Stork Nest, during the wedding ceremony, after all.

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